All You Need Is SLEEP

For the first time in a YEAR, I feel awake. My insomnia had been going beserk for months. Constantly sleep deprived, trying to get through a productive day was just near impossible. I haven't been able to concentrate, everyday tasks wore me out quickly, and for the last month I haven't been able to work. I do freelance research at my home office. The ability to focus is crucial and lately its been impossible. So, I slept all the way through the night for two days in a row! I know that sounds like no big deal, but it's been months since I've been able to do that.

What has changed to allow me to catch z's again? Valium and 100mg of Seroquel. My last psychiatrist took me off benzodiazepines (Ativan, Xanax, Klonopin, Valium, etc.) entirely. I was skeptical since I do get panic attacks from time to time, but he had a medical degree and I did not so I gave it a try. The Effexor/Seroquel combination was a good effort, but didn't address my anxiety adequately. I suppose I had just gotten used to my anxiety being high. I tend to feel tight in the chest, tense my shoulders, and I get a little oversensitive about things. Feeling like this non-stop is exhausting and I am finally getting some relief.


I also had my appointment with my psychiatrist that my husband accompanied me on. It went well and wasn't awkward like I was afraid of. The doctor is from India and has a thick accent but what really makes it hard to understand her is that she speaks so softly. She told my husband that I need extra support when my depression is not appropriately managed. And he is very supporting. He wanted to ask her how to deal with the gauntlet of craziness that I tend to throw at him when my medication wasn't working but she is a bit intimidating and he had never been in a psychiatrist's office before. I told him the therapist's office was a better setting for learning to deal with that stuff.




I am starting to believe that I can get my life back on track again. I'm beginning to feel myself again. It has been so long since normal that I was worried I'd just stay at 20% the rest of my life while my friends accomplished great things and went to new places and evolved. I had gotten used to my apartment doubling as my cave of despair. I really hope all of this is behind me now. I've lost several years of my life. Life is too short to waste and I really wish I had found a good psychiatrist before now. The haze is lifting and I am starting to believe I can have a normal life again.